Here's the thing.  I don't 'get' why I do this job, there is no reason, there is no why.  

Lots of theory, some very colorful, some sound nice sometimes, some less pleasant in their implications.  None answer the full and none tell me what to do.  There is no course or guidance set in any of these answers.

No grand wisdom, no reason, no why.

And I don't need it anymore.  When you realize, finally, that there is no one in the world who could give you that answer and for it to be, entirely by their word and if lucky enough some tiny piece of evidence to verify some part of their presumable madness, you learn to let it go.

That's when you're free.

Without reason without why, you can take that power within, and do whatever the fuck you want.  And you're not truly defined as a man before you have that power, you're defined after.  

By what you choose to do with it.

When you understand completely that it is one hundred percent up to you.  That power is yours.  Do you choose to be a good man ?  You could absolutely get away with being a bad one.  

Or do you just go ahead and be yourself.  I'm about down the middle I think, but the greater decisions of actual importance are generally agreed with.  'Slavery bad', raping children 'is bad', or anyone else for that matter, you know.

The absolute low ball basics of pure moral structure.  Trying to be good.  

But always tempered, tested and tempted by the evils all around, attacks from men of their own power in territorial displays, when to defend and when to just ... let myself enjoy breaking them.  And I did enjoy it, when young in this role and untested, I savored my victories, until it became total.

My territory was then my own, established and known.  Just as anyone knows will happen if challenged, I enjoyed this road.  But then I reached the destination and it's time to move on.  

Vindictiveness is a pain one must intentionally hold in their hearts like an obsession, and I'd rather be writing.  There's no why.  There is no reason you can trust.  There is simply what is, and I am.

This is true of us all.

So when you infer this thing of 'becoming', yes I suppose that is true.  But like for us all it's really about learning to be myself.  And a lot of that I did early on, long before I was online here.  I understood this before, but until this mess, I had yet to tested, challenged.

Put in a position to need to make it all useful, or die.  And worse to fail.

And this was truly a hell of a fight.  One full lunar cycle of ... everything.  Against undeniably the most powerful people in the world.  In the end, why did I win ?  

Because I was being myself.

They were not.

And so by everything said above, I absolutely knew I would.  It wasn't arrogance.  I sized up my opponents and found them unworthy, I told them so at the start.  That they faced something they never had before.

A Man.

That was my youth.  Now proven I learn to be a wise one.  That's what's different.  Everything else in just a tale.   'The job' is to inhabit the space I carved out for myself in the arena of my youth, to live and be judged by the decisions I've made, which I do stand by still.

Let the bitches rain.