"Father, Captain Lithton has reported to me that the cosmic radar has picked up an unidentified spacecraft which doesn't belong in our galaxy." (she's wearing half a dress)
...
Shiny blue space-leader robe with a crown guy turns pensively to the window, "I feared this ... it's Oraclon, king of the night ... "
~ Escape from Galaxy 3
I just picked up an archive of crap ass 70's and 80's sci-fi b-movies, absolute garbage one and all, so now of course I want to make one. Honestly ... I feel like I wrote a lot of 'good movies' (debatable) and now I just ... kinda want to write trash for a while.
Hard to explain.
But I already wrote the historicals and the epicas and the 'artful series's ... I wrote a fucking movie that literally destroyed a franchises as a god damned psy-op to fuck over some shit talking pedophies and it actually fucking worked !
Still working today.
Insane.
Now That's some fucking Art. Now ... I wanna write a shitty space flick in the 70's with bikini robots and ships made out of models of other ships with pew pew and cartoonish villainy. A really weird craving of late, to make intentional garbage.
No idea.
But unfortunately Horizon may actually be good (Dammit !), that's where all my notes have lately been. Sorry about the wait on this one, soon. I have the notes on the ending, just waiting on the mood.
I'm pretty hard pressed to fast finish a sequel, if the series were signed I'd have two years while the first is being made so ... yeah I've got notes ( ... ). Then after the unfortunately decent Horizon I may do a Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon crossover because those are public domain now, or maybe something else that bad.
Feelin' it.
No idea why don't care.
Voiced over ~
"You know your mom's planning a surprise party right ?"
Carla (played by Miserella) - Eating at the diner with Kate, "Goddamn it I knew it. You're the best friend ever."
Kate (Bets) - Eating a fry, "Yah. Everyone else is in on it. Like everyone.
Including your cousins from Pennsylvanian and that one creepy aunt. She
gave me candy. I'm supposed to distract you til 7."
Carla - "How the hell were you supposed to do that !?"
Kate
- Slurps her shake. "Double feature. Happy birthday." Last slurps,
"Hey did you know you mom thinks you're friends with the whole
cheerleading squad ?"
Carla - "What !?"
~ Walking down the street, they look up at the marquise, double feature, 'Nerdbag Little Bitches' and 'Balloon Pop'.
Kate - "If we burn down the theater with ourselves inside, we could skip the party for medical attention."
Carla - "A viable option. But why did you let them think I was friends with cheerleaders ?"
Kate - "Poisoned by candy and stories from your childhood. They had photos. I couldn't move."
Carla - "Learn anything good I blacked it all out."
Kate - "For the better. We doing this ?"
Carla - Checks her Zippo. "Let's get it done."
Tabby - From the ticket booth under the marquise, nervously. "Um. Popcorn ?"
Carla and Kate - "Popcorn."
~ Characters from volume one dressed as construction workers violently tear down the theater around them, crews in the distance reconstructing the city in massive chunks maneuvered by skyscraper cranes until the theater's completed, blocking the view.
In the dark alley while behind the theater, a man pisses ~
Woman (the same actor as Miserella again) - "So ! Hear you didn't like the flick-a-doo ... "
Four Eyed Dick-Pic- Zips fast, "Oh my God, it's ... you."
Woman - "No it's not. But you called me some very bad things. Do you know what I'm going to do to you ?"
Four Eyed Dick-Pic- " ... "
Woman - "That wasn't rhetorical. Do, you know what I'm going to do to you, right now ?"
Four Eyed Dick-Pic- " ... No."
Woman - "Huh. Guess you don't know so much after all."
Screams from the alleyway behind the theater as the people pass with the traffic noise, the marquis ~
~ Nerdbag Little Bitches ~
all in a row
(credits while she does all that with a bread knife)
In the rain after the credits to the crappy motel, Eddie from 'Why I hate the Fabulous Five' coming down the stairs, her going up.
"Eddie."
"Charlotte."
Up into her room, she drops the coat and tosses the knife into the sink with the dirty dishes. Looks in the mirror.
Charlotte - "Oh my God. It's me." ... Bursts out laughing. "Bitch-ass fucking nerdbag."
_____
A tuber rages about the movie (this one), screaming how it's a personal attack on all tubers and that Charlotte's just a mean spirited cow. She clicks the pause. Lights a cigarette.
Smokes ...
Charlotte - "You're a mean spirited cow." Looks out the window, it rains. Smokes. "Now I wanna hamburger. Fuck this guy."
Closes the computer. Looks away ... then back to it, opens it and then a series of command prompts into a network now running signals ... she smiles ...
Down the stairs where the press now waits ...
Newshuman - "They say ... "
Charlotte - "Lick a clit skeaze, I'm on a mission."
Pushes through the snapping shots. An airplane flies overhead, she's smoking on other streets, notably bright as the motel neighborhood always seems darker. Clutching a rolled up newspaper like she's about to swat something, she pulls out a picture of the tuber.
Charlotte - "Ham ... bur ... gerrrr ... " Shoves it in her pocket and pulls out another cigarette, forgetting there's one already in her mouth. Looks up at the comic-con ahead ... a sigh ... "Beef."
Pauses and laughs a bit and laughs before running head down in with her hands in her coat pockets, the paper sticking out.
The tubers are gathered around the target''s booth, they all stop and stare as she approaches. A glare to the side at the Mary Sue Vector booth ... Marie Sue (same actor as Bets) glares back ... then back to laughing with her admirers.
Alec Baldwin's Fat Cousin - Surrounded by the rest frozen in a stare, "Oh my God. It's ... you."
Charlotte - "No it's not. But I do look a lot like her and do you know what that's like ? With you shitbags always on about what a wreck she is ? How fucked her career is, because of fuck-faced little maggots like you ? Mary Sue's an absolute whore and even She doesn't give you the time of day. Do you have Any Idea what It's LIKE !?"
...
Alec Baldwin's Fat Cousin - "Are you sure it isn't you ?"
Charlotte - "I am absolutely certain that I am not me." Slams the rolled over and crinkled paper on the table, news of the murder."
They stare ...
The Looksmaxxing Egg - "Oh my God. It's him."
...
Charlotte - "What is Wrong with you people." To Pa-Damn, "So guess what shit bag. You're next. I'm gonna grind you up and I'm gonna eat you. Like a cow. Call the police and see what they've got to say about it. None of your phones recorded. They're hacked. I own you. And I just farmed All of your everything Into to fucking Bitcoin."
They all look at their phones ... "Fuck ... " they look up and she's gone.
Cop on the phone - Laughing ... he can't stop laughing, while Charlotte laughs maniacally in her motel room, until a pounding on the wall.
Eddie - Through the wall, "Jesus Christ we're All maniacal here, we Get it."
Charlotte - Looks at the mirror, to herself. "Yeah. We're all maniacal here." Shouts, "Sorry !"
As she stalks Alec Baldwin's Fat Cousin ...
She watches him exit the theater and into a cab. Exit the cab left waiting and into the store, back to the cab and out into the apartment rushed and looking around. She opens her travel laptop (tiny) and waits ...
On the screen she waits ... and there he is onscreen for a live stream with the rest. Runs a ffew command prompt windows on the side ... closes the lid with a smile.
Charlotte - To herself, "Gonna pay ya Tuesday ... " Looks at her watch, "Fuck." Looks up the building, then at the doorman. Opens her bag, "Grappling hook ... hacksaw ... and ... " Pulls out the heavy hand crank meat grinder, "And ... you. God I love you." Turns the crank ... "Hm !" A smile, she shoves it back into the bag.
Heads for the alley, tosses up the grappling hook to pull the fire escape down with the rope.
____
On the split-screen stream with the rest and The Girl Who Never Tox (Bets playing with her phone).
Alec Baldwin's Fat Cousin - "I don't know guys ... I'm pretty freaked. I mean ... how long will it take her to know about this place ?"
Looksmaxxing Egg - Looking into the screen, "Livin' on the run ... " Sees her stomp up behind Pa-Damn with the meat grinder raised over her head. "Oh my God it's h ... "
Crack ! in the head. The four window vid-chat stare ... she walks to the camera squinting like she's trying to see them ...
Charlotte - As if trying to comprehend, "You're so ... tiny ... " The feed goes out.
...
Looksmaxxing Egg - "We're not live."
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - Typing mad, "Nope ! No backup. Fuck !"
Looksmaxxing Egg - "He was a good man."
The Girl who Never Tox sips her soda-straw sound.
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "Oh yeah. Good man. I think he was a Christian."
Looksmaxxing Egg - "Yes. He definitely talked about God at least once."
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "I think he should be sainted."
Looksmaxxing Egg - "The patron saint of all tubers ... "
____
She flips the burger in the motel kitchenette ... looks at the hamburger bun ... then the bread knife ...
Charlotte - A laugh, "Hey !"
____
The pope - "I'm afraid three miracles must be performed in his name for him to be beautified. But there are three of you so ... dope it out. It'll be a miracle if you to survive the week."
The tubers stare ... "Fuck !"
Pope - "Not helping. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a real matter in Hell I must attend to." Slams his staff to the ground, "! Dominus NOCTIS !" A portal tears through space and time, taking him away with a gust of wind and gone.
...
"Fuck !"
____
Cop at the Station - "I am so very glad you're here." Hands them a page with a shit eating grin.
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - Reading ... "She ... filed a restraining order. Against us."
Cop - "Yeah apparently you've gone on the internet and accused her of being a serial killer. And ... "Hands another page, "There's this !"
Looksmaxxing Egg - "A cease and desist ! From her fucking lawyer !?"
Cop - "No ... the would be from the studio's lawyer."
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "She is killing us."
The Girl Who Never Tox sips her soda and looks at her phone.
Cop - "Sure she is. Famous actor. Got beef." Finger shoots one after the next. "Because you shitbags talked the mad shit on the internet, thinking that shit would never come back to you but here we are. You know what I think ?"
Looksmaxxing Egg - "I think this is some bullshit."
Cop - "That's what you think. What I think is you all got so up on your hate-spread and fear mongering that now you feel bad. Deep inside. So now you got the noids. Now you're thinking all the people you fucked over, are coming back for revenge."
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "No ! Just. Her."
Cop - "You sure about that ?" Puts the newspaper on the desk.
Looksmaxxing Egg- "But that's ... "
Cop - "Yeah. That guy always on about Xenofix."
Looksmaxxing Egg - "Xenofix sucked ass."
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "Except the porno part."
Looksmaxxing Egg - "Hell yeah." High five.
(another sip while scrolling)
Cop - Stares ... "Yeah so he's dead. He one of yours ?"
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "Um. No ?"
Cop - Nods ... "So these are your competitors."
Looksmaxxing Egg - "What ? No ! Well yes but No ! We didn't ... "
Cop - Staring ... "Yeah. So you leave that girl alone, and don't leave town."
Looksmaxxing Egg - "But she'll ... she's gonna know exactly where we are !"
Cop - "She'll know exactly where you are, and so will we. Welcome to your first good news of the day. We've got men posted outside each of your locations so if your insane theory is right, we will find out. Second piece, she's got police protection, against you."
They look shocked before a smile ...
Cop - Leans back in the chair ... "Yep ! New York's finest. So here's the thing. I been doin' this a while. I know you're not lying to me. You truly believe this bullshit you're telling me so here's what I think. It's not her. May look like her, may even think she's her but she's not.
"And if I'm wrong ... she's under watch, you're under watch, everybody's under watch. We get to it. Now get the fuck out of here, I've got whores to interrogate." Turns his chair to the window.
Looksmaxxing Egg- "That's ... really fucked up."
Cop - Pulls out his phone. "Cancel watch on Shitbag 3000."
...
Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons - "We will honor your sacrifice."
_________
On the conference stream watching her pull out Looksmaxxing Egg's intestines, smiling and nodding to his camera as he pulls out more and more ... Guy Who Wears a Mask for Reasons stares ... Girl Who Never Tox looks up at the screen for a sec, a look of WTF then back down to her phone with a sip of the straw.
The sound of a knock on the door.
In her motel room, she answers the door, Eddie smoking, and literally smoking.
Charlotte - "Back from Hell then."
Eddie - "Coffee."
Charlotte - "Hungry ?"
Eddie - "Famished." ... "What's your name again ?"
Charlotte - Looks at him ... "I'm Charlotte."
Eddie - "Eddie. I was in hell for five fucking years. Time dilation. Lots of names. So many names and they all had a story, and it was always bullshit."
Charlotte - "Find your Bible salesman ?"
Eddie - "Who ?"
Charlotte - "Your quarry."
Eddie - "Yeah. I think I'm gonna have to torture him."
Charlotte - "Wasn't he just in Hell ?"
...
Eddie - "Coffee."
Charlotte - "I also made eggs and sausage."
