She ... really knows how to get my attention.
Honestly your Holiness, that's what I'm at odds with, at east in my considerations. I was chosen for a reason, I know this. Not just for my skills. And I now Jesus was a better man than me, but I also now He wasn't as many believe Him to be.
So I'm back and forth all the time, these are different times. He began something I'm here to finish. He taught of love, I was bred for war. He raided the Hells and I conquered them. He forgave the prisoners within and I forgave the beasts who held them.
What must be done today is not what had to be then. He started what I finish and I know it in my soul, I am not worthy. And I cannot lie to God. I cannot pretend to be. I cannot like so many before me parrot what I believe I should be.
But the only truth I have to tell is that I am one hundred percent unworthy to follow in His footsteps, but I am capable of competing my mission.
Always.
No matter what I need to become. I think I am what's required today, as He was when He was, but still I wonder, how much more do I have to learn. Still.
Without losing the part of myself for which I was chosen. Do I become as the Book tells it ? Or do I accept that those books were edited to dominate the people ? Do I look into St John's Gnosticism, or into Christ's later adopted Hindu ways ?
When Jesus entered Hell, was it as conqueror, or liberator ?
Do I need to be more like Him ? Or do I need to accept that maybe he was more like me than the story tells ? That God chose me for a reason. Not because of what He wishes me to be but because of what I am.
I don't know. I really don't.
But in these precarious times, it's certainly on my mind. I remember the story of His righteous anger ... I don't know. But that's the one thing I can guarantee, that when it comes down to it, I will flip that table.
I do know angelic armors come with a matched sword, thus there is likely still something to learn because I don't have one yet. Something which would concern the wisdom of a sword.
I begin those considerations with what specific wisdom would have earned me the armor and maybe I can extrapolate it from there, otherwise Death's Walking Stick will just have to do.
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