I honestly think a lot of these people would have done what I did if they had any reason to believe it would have made a difference.  And many wouldn't.

From there it's been a question of career.  To sacrifice their dreams over something they cannot control, of to try to make good of it all while doing what they came to do.  And from there it becomes all twisted.  They didn't walk in knowing all of it.

I mean even if someone told them, it just doesn't sound real.  Like the exaggeration of some truth which may be, but not like that ...

Which of course it was exactly like that.  And by the time they now that, those who even ever did, they were vested.

Whereas I found out about most of it pretty early on, career cursed with the knowledge that I could in fact do something about it.  In fact it was right in my range, just a lot bigger.  So in those terms I do believe a lot of these people would have done what I did if they knew that they could, even with the sacrifice.  A lot would not.

Some I would say the hate's because seeing me do what they feel like they should have cuts them at the soul, and seeing me win and then gig only deepens that wound.  But they need to know what I knew walking in.

The do not have the advantages I do and they're right.  Probably wouldn't have done a thing, but shatter their dreams.

All of it so easily understood and forgiven, if ever they'd just stop stealing and accept the sexual predators they knew only got what they themselves earned both morally and legally.  

And if they don't agree with that, to say they're like these forgotten pervs, then I guess those are the ones who would not have done what I did if they knew that they could.  And I really can't say much about that, other than they fewer than those who I think would have.

Especially if they knew they could work again, even if they did.  And that's what this blacklist is about.  Not controlling people like me, but people like them.

Because it would tell them all that they could make a difference, if only they tried.  In the days of Weinstein and Epstein while on a narrative of genocidal complicity, of course that would not do.  And there the tables turn as well, which is where it really all goes.

The narrative no longer supports genocide, and those behind it are no longer in control here.  It just not a winning platform, anymore.

So.  Deals or no I'm very glad to be where we are.  Forgiveness is easy, where it is, and justice mercilessly intrinsic, where it is not.

God is wise ... even where I've personally been unhappy about it at the time.

~ Kashikoi ~